First of all, I want to preface this article with the fact that I love my iPhone and most (read: less than half) of the applications I download. It’s improved my quality of life in more ways than I can count, and for that I’m grateful. So let’s jump right into this.

I download a lot of apps and play with them to research what’s going on in the marketplace to help me get a better understanding of where it’s going. This is awesome, I spend a lot of time playing games at work. What’s not awesome are some of the bells and whistles that come along with them. Here’s a short list I’ve kept track of over the last month or so that I feel we all share the same sentiment on.

  1. Your app sends me a notification and makes a god awful noise to get my attention. DELETED.
  2. Your app sends me a notification to harvest some crops or join a battle at 4 am. Fuck you, I’m out.
  3. You put out a new version of your application that doesn’t work at all that requires me to log into your website which also isn’t working and lost all my order history, and I don’t eat dinner that night. WHY SEAMLESS WHYYYYY??? DELETED (not really though, seamless is life)
  4. You require me to invite all (or some) of my friends to join the app. Nah, BYE FELICIA.
  5. I click yes to allow you to access my information only to later find out you also signed me up for your daily updates, weekly updates, bi weekly updates, yada yada yada. STFU. NO THANKS. BYE.
  6. BONUS: I use your app, and it goes fine. Then you email/text me to ask me for feedback on how my experience was. Well now I just went 0–100 ril quick because you’re invading my personal bubble (these exists for apps to) for your personal gain. *deuces emoji*

Constantly being bothered to provide value for an application with NO real value for me as a user is app suicide, don’t do it. You have to create value for me if you want to come at me, dawg. Get creative with it. My favorite apps are doing all of these things and I hardly even notice because of the value they’ve created for me. LOOKING AT YOU TIMEHOP 🙂

Till next time.